How parents can get it wrong at times

The Noida Junior Squash Tournament 2008 was on during the weekend of 12 April 08. Lots of kids were in high spirits...doing their best to win matches. Parents were in tow, cheering them to do well.

Children have a tendency to observe their parents for approval, encouragement and support while performing action. So these kids would look at their guardians every time they won points...and more when they lost a point or a game. The reaction of parents was worth noting...and I made some observations which need to be discussed.

All parents wanted their kids to win...nothing wrong with that. But in the process of trying to win most of them missed the point when they went overboard in cheering their kids. A parent took up a fight against the referee...his son was playing extremely well against a very tough opponent. A few 50-50 points went against his son. The son looked towards him each time with an air of despondency as if saying that the whole world was ganging up against him.

All this made the father go into hyper mode. He demanded that the referee be changed... but that was promptly turned down by the tournament organisers. He then created a hue and cry and also blamed the organisers that his sons opponent was over-age. That too did not gel with the organisers. By this time the match was over...and his son had lost in straight sets.

The boy came out...weeping his heart out. His father took him in his arms and consoled him... explaining how 'cheating' had been done against him and that he was a better player any day.

All this while I watched the drama in utter amazement. The whole episode was a classic case of the glass half full or half empty. The father simply failed to see that his son (much younger in age) had given a spirited fight to the top seed. The sense of being wronged overtook everything else...and all of this got transferred to the son.

A great performance had been brought to its knees and marred by an immature parent. What a shame, I thought. If only the parent could see the victory in his sons defeat. The victory of a fighting performance by the underdog; the victory of how ability and will power can transcend age barriers and most importantly the victory of the birth of self-belief in a little kid that he can do it despite all odds.

Alas! If only the father had other work to do that Saturday afternoon.

Principles of Maitreya

Maitreya implies friendliness. An individual imbued with maitreya is always on the lookout to reach out. In todays world when people have little time at hand, the attribute of maitreya comes at a premium. However, it has been my experience that it is worth the effort to practice maitreya in our daily life. Its practice generates a Non-Monetized Fixed Deposit (NMFD) of good-will in the community. This NMFD grows exponentially through time and space, and has within itself the power to transform people and situations beyond ones imagination.

However, the power of maitreya and its results can only be felt and experienced through sustained practice. For this reason I have developed some basic Principles of Maitreya as part of my community interactions. Many of these are inspired by children since friendliness comes naturally to them.

Do try and practice these...and reap the rewards!!

• Smile - be the first one to give a smile. It will take you a mile.
• Thank – thank people promptly. It will motivate others to keep doing good.
• Appreciate – when you observe something worthwhile. You will rise in the estimation of others and make their day.
• Wish/greet – when you see/meet someone. You will connect immediately.
• Apologise – when you commit a mistake. It will make you feel very light and unburdened.
• Enquire – about the health and well being of others. They will feel cared for and wanted.
• Help generously – This will increase peoples’ faith in good will.
• Forgive – mistakes as soon as possible and unburden others.
• Names – try to remember them. People will admire you.
• Friends – take that extra step to remain in touch. A true friend is more precious than gold.

Can we give eternal gifts to children?

I wrote this poem about 4 years ago during a vacation to Udaipur in Rajasthan (India). Gifts for children are always associated with excitement, surprise, adventure and fun. I have often contemplated about the nature of these gifts...can they have a deeper meaning for our children, for example. This lead me to collate this brief poem which I intend to share today.

‘A Gift for my Son’

I want to gift my son………

A canvas to paint his dreams

A pen to write his diary

A camera to click his perspective

A racket to develop sportsman spirit

A rucksack to explore the mystery of the hills

A book to experience true companionship

A football to discover the joy of skillfully dribbling past opponents

A pair of skates to master the art of balance

A bicycle to ride through the maze without falling

A mountaineering kit to learn how to take calculated risks

A seed to nurture, and experience the ‘law of the harvest’

My time, so that he knows me more than I knew my father

My trustworthiness, so he knows I am there when he needs me most

My patience, so that when he under performs, I can sit with him and take stock

And chalk out a strategy for improvement in consultation with him

I hope these gifts open out the world for him under the sun

He is such a cute little kid, my son.

Rich urban kids...spoilt for choices!!

One of the major challenges of parenting urban kids today is that they are spoilt for choices...they seem to get too much of material comfort by default...and so get very little opportunity to experience the 'true value' of things. This often alienates them from the stark realities of life. Government school children in India represent the most deprived sections of our population...they are the ones who really need our support and guidance in whatever way possible.

Parents today need to strike a conscious balance between what is good for such children and what they can afford materially for them. The concept of 'deserving' needs to be also inculcated at a young age in order to prevent alienation from life's realities to set in.

A good and practical way to do this is the learning-by-doing approach...taking children on visits to places where they see, experience and learn how fortunate they are in terms of the opportunities that are there for them. When a street kid comes over to our car window begging for food or pleading to sell a book, we need to talk to our children and explain what this is all about. It is also a good idea to 'do good' simultaneously while talking to our children. Carrying some eatables in the car often comes handy...these can be easily passed on to the child at the window every now and then. Old clothes can also help us 'reach out' in such situations.

Children learn best through 'live examples.' So, never waste an opportunity to send an everlasting message to your child.

Doing good to society and planting a 'seed' in your child's heart and mind can go hand in hand. Always be open and alert about such opoortunities to give life's gifts' to your children, kids in the neighbourhood and elsewhere too.

Khoj - Launching in Academic Session 2008-09

Dear Khoj members,

A very warm welcome to the onlineKHOJ community. We are getting started from April 08 as follows:

1. Please check out our wiki site www.maitreya.wikidot.com to start with. Spend some time browsing it. Give special attention to:
1. 'Khoj...the search' ............http://maitreya.wikidot.com/khoj-the-search
2. 'Khoj Resources and Quizzes'.........http://maitreya.wikidot.com/khoj-resources-and-quizzes
3. 'Parent - Teacher toolkit' .............http://maitreya.wikidot.com/parent-teacher-toolkit
4. 'Upload your Projects'............http://maitreya.wikidot.com/upload-your-projects
5. 'Memberships'...............http://maitreya.wikidot.com/memberships
6. 'Forums'..................http://maitreya.wikidot.com/forums
7. 'My Blog'.........http://maitreya4all.blogspot.com/
   
2. Spend a little more time on 'Khoj Resources and Quizzes.' We have uploaded Khoj for Jan 08 (a sample), Feb 08 (on Vanishing Vultures) and March/April 08 (on Climate Change). These are the 'Themes' we will be taking up each month. Kindly use the one on Vanishing Vultures and Climate Change as web resources for adding value to your class-room teaching. You may use it to make simple, mind-igniting Multiple Choice Questions (MCQ's); excite children to develop projects on these themes or simply ask them to use these for evolving summer vacation 08 projects. I will be adding more info on each of these Themes every now and then.
   
3. Each month will have a new Theme....like Energy/Water Conservation, Wealth from Waste, Traffic Management, Disaster Management etc. We will look forward to suggestions for more themes from our member schools/students/parents/e-volunteers. These need to be 'action oriented' and based on the 'needs' of our society, mother earth etc.
4. Whatever you do...Khoj MCQ Quizzes (we are also preparing these with the assistance of college students through e-volunteering; these will be uploaded every now and then...an e-mail update will be sent to all members whenever that happens), Projects, Field Visits etc...do e-mail us Reports, photographs, videos every month...or as frequently as you can. We shall upload them at 'Upload your Projects' on the site.
5. Every now and then we will visit your campus to conduct 'Live Khoj' Sessions. A bit of your assistance may be required to organise these sessions. But, you see....Where there is a will, there is a way!!
6. Do refer us to more Schools...we want this community to grow!! They can simply send me a mail or call me up at +91 9811447613 for Membership Forms etc. Do tell them that there is no fee involved.
   

I personally look forward to being in touch with all of you. Do mail me back for any clarifications.

Children who dont want to eat healthy food...a way out...

The other day I had a session with parents of Classes I and II. It was very interactive and fruitful. The next day one of these parents wrote me a mail expressiong concern that his daughter does not eat any health food. She is very active but will not eat green veggies, daal etc, he wrote. I mailed him back my response...and thought to share it with a wider audience here.

Hi Pankaj,

Nice to know you liked the session.

Regarding Diksha...one thing is good that she is an active child. All paediatricians will tell you not to worry as long as the child is active and loves to play. My son Mudit too had a similar problem...infact, he still does not eat much. But a few things have helped. Let me share them with you:

1. Since we put him into serious sports at the age of 7 years...he undergoes regular coaching in Squash at Siri Fort...his desire to eat and become stronger has increased a lot. Often he tells him mummy to make sprouts and dalia for him.
2. When he plays with other kids on the court and is convinced that others are physically stronger than him...he wants to know how he too can be strong.
3. He then seeks advice from his coach...who tells him about healthy food etc.
4. He then watches me eat milk-dalia daily in the morning...and then sees how I bi-cycle/jog for an hour each day in the evening. That makes him ask me questions like...papa how are you able to do this?
5. When I tell him the relation between my daily dalia eating and my fitness regime he begins to get convinced.
6. He then tries this on himself...you see a child 'believes' once the 'associations' get established in his mind.

So, the process is slow...but sustainable. As parents you will have to set the right example at home too...healthy eating, physical fitness, reading habits etc. At times...do have 'eat-outs' and freak out with her on her favourite food/junk etc. But never forget to keep the 'balance.'

Hope this works for you. Do keep mailing me your feedbacks.

Regards

Nikhil

I hope this provides a way for anxious parents to try out...I await your feedbacks as usual!!

Squash Development.....hope it succeeds!!

Have been part of the conceptualization process of a very interesting Squash Development Programme (SDP) - for school children in Delhi. Part of this discussion have been Dr. B.I.Singh, Head, Sports Medicine, Fortis Hospital, Vasant Kunj, Ritwik Bhattacharya (5 times National Squash Champion) and Raj Arora, who trains and collaborates with Ritwik.

We have called our association as TeamSquash...and are keen to have the Delhi Development Authority (DDA) also on board.

Click the heading above to see a presentation of the programme.

Nikhil