A child wants 'effort' from parents in order to feel solidarity

Children are always judging caregivers - parents, teachers, coaches and elders - on a minute by minute basis. Often, what they want from us is genuine effort, genuine action in order to feel that they are cared for and supported in their endeavors. An incident highlights this in more ways than one.

In our colony Club the Annual Children Cultural Week 2008 was celebrated in Nov 08. Each day a new competitive event is held...debates, street plays, dance & music, quizzes, dumb charades etc. Children love to win prizes...and at times their parents get over eager in pushing them towards these. This day an incident happened that conveys a very deep meaning for all parents as well as teachers.....the importance of true effort!!

A little girl was taking part in the dance competition. She must have been 9-10 years old. Just as her chance to perform came, her mother like other parents went to the organisers with a cassette of the song she had to dance on. The cassette was played and it got stuck. It was re-played at least 10 times...and each time something went wrong and the child had to stop dancing mid-way. The organisers said it was the parents' responsibility to get a good working CD or a cassette while the parents blamed the music system. All this while the little girl, all nicely dressed up, began to sulk and became heartbroken. She left the stage and took an isolated seat at one corner of the hall. She began sobbing....very gently and quietly. In the meantime, the parents and the organisers mutually came to the agreement that both parties had done their best and perhaps it was the girls misfortune that day.

All this while I watched the goings-on from another seat at the back. And this seat was pretty close to the one where this girl sat. Soon her parents jointed her and convinced her that they all had tried their best and so they had to accept the situation sportingly. The girl got convinced and sat quietly...watching other girls perform. But her cheerfulness had disappeared. She appeared highly un-fulfilled to me sitting one row behind. I kept watching her for about 10 minutes, but finally my patience broke.

I got up and took the parents aside and asked them why we could try getting a new cassette or download the song from the net. Both showed little interest...for them the show over!! This happens in life, one of them reasoned with me. Their daughter had accepted this as a bad day and was now ok.

This was preposterous, I thought. How can they all not see the body language of the child. I asked them if I could talk to her, to which they agreed. Since the girl knew me well....more as a friendly neighbourhood uncle...she readily agreed to give it a second try if a 'good' cassette could be arranged.

The father as well as I got started...he went to the nearby market while I went home to try and download the song. While at home I soon got a call from the father that he was lucky to find a new cassette with the same song.

I had some work at home so reached the Club again in another 30 minutes. By that time the girl had 'successfully' given her performance......this was evidently visible be the hop-skip and jump I saw her doing when I entered the complex. The parents too thanked me for the concern shown.

I felt really happy....there was now a 'closure' in the child's mind...she had done her best!!!! And that's all that kids actually aspire to do....unless parents push them too hard.

The next day the results were pasted at the Club Notice Board.....and guess what!! This girl had got the first position!!!!!!!!

Hope this incident exemplifies the need for GENUINE EFFORT on part of parents. That's all that kids look for.

Nikhil

The importance of 'owning up'

We all make mistakes in our daily lives. Children need to be encouraged to accept without fear if they have committed a mistake or an error. This implies 'owning up' and raising your hand to say that I was the one who 'did it.' To illustrate how we need to encourage this I am compelled to narrate an incident from my school. This episode is another one in my quest for 'truth' as I spend my time with children and hope to instill in them virtues of honesty, truthfulness, accountability and fairness.

I was taking my Physics practical class with students of Class IX. This happened about a fortnight ago. We had 2 periods in the lab. Each lab table had some equipment meant for the next class...i.e Class XII. So I told all my students not to fiddle with the apparatus. Saying this I kept the class busy with lab work meant for them. After two periods the bell rang for the tiffin break and all students left the lab. At the end, as I made a quick recce of all the tables just to ensure nothing went amiss, I noticed one of the convex lenses in one of the tables missing. Looking around I immediately realised that this lens had been broken as I saw glass pieces on the floor.

Later in the day I gave the lab keys to our lab incharge ma'am and told her that one of the lenses had been broken by my students. I paid her Rs. 50 as damages and promised her to identify those responsible.

The same day I had my 8th period Physics with Class IX B. I knew it was 5 odd students from this class who were the culprits.....but the challenge now was to have them own up. This was the toughest part, I knew. I announced in the class what I had discovered and requested those responsible to confess...separately to me in my room. If they did this, I promised I would not tell anyone about them. Children fear peer ostracism. They cannot tolerate being looked down upon by friends. So the best way to make them own up is in isolation. I gave this class 2 days to sort out the issue.

The next two days I waited.....and waited!! Nothing happened and nobody came forward. Third day was the Physics paper...and I had some important questions to discuss in the class. I thought this was my best chance. So, I tried this too....saying that only if by the end of the day those responsible owned up, I will discuss these questions regarding my paper. I gave them 1.45pm as the cut-off time....school gives over at 1.55pm. 

The school watch struck 1.50 pm and nobody turned up in my room. Instead, some other children came to me and pleaded...."Sir, what wrong have we done? Why should all others get penalised? Please help us?" 

This left me with no options.....and I went to the class and explained the important questions in the last minutes of the day. All children were happy as they left for home...but my worries kept multiplying. My search for truth had hit a road-block....and I was feeling pretty much lost.

As I drove back home that evening this whole episode kept my mind ticking. I had to find a way to get the culprits to own up...and now it will have to be in public!! They deserved nothing less, I convinced myself. Next morning as I woke up and was brushing my teeth an idea struch me. This had to succeed, I told myself.

Class IX B Physics was the 4th period today...time 10.20am to 11am. 11am to 11.30am was to be the lunch break...and I went for the jugular!! As I entered the class, only a few children got up to wish the teacher...and this gave me the excuse to kick-start implementation of the idea. 

I asked everybody to stand up...the whole period. This was just part of the deal, I said. This standing will continue till 11.30am...till the break ends. All tiffins were to be collected and placed on my table. Nobody would sit...eat...or go out for the break, I announced with a tinge of glee in my eyes. Being the captain of this 'sinking ship' I said I too will stand and not eat today. But I gave the class, once again, a loop hole...a way out. If the culprits owned up by 10.55am all punishment will stand cancelled. However, these guys will now have to own up in front of the whole class...since they missed their chance earlier in the week.

The clock ticked passed 10.55am and once again nothing happened. At 11am the break bell rang...and I opened the class door. Kids ran out of the other classes, as is their wont. Lots of noise all around...lots of kids eating all around!! This was going to be make or break for my strategy, I thought nervously.

11.10am.....still no result. Some children began to get fidgity. Some stated pleading...;like the day earlier. But I was not going to have any of it. The plan had to go the whole hog...and I was determined.

11.115am....no result again...!!

...... But now I saw 2-3 children discussing something in one corner of the class. I crossed my fingers...was this the moment! 

.....11.17am.....4 children came out and pleaded guilty. They had tears in their eyes, some remorse and a lot of guilt. I asked them...why so late?? What compelled them not to 'own up.' Were they so scared of me that they thought I would report the matter to the Principal? I asked them all these questions and they answered...they answered all my questions in front of the whole class. I assured them right at the beginning that there was nothing to fear. We all make mistakes...but a bigger mistake is not to own up at all. I told them that we all...and that included me...will share the cost of the broken lens. I was also responsible, being the instructor in the class where the incident happened. This surprised the whole class, but I insisted...it was a matter of my ethics and they must respect them.

Well, this was one heck of an incident.....so I thought to 'blog it' as part of my eternal quest. Unless we own up...unless we get kids to own up,...unless we remove the element of fear from the child's mind & heart no education can succeed. A child must know that committing something wrong intentionally or un-intentionally needs to be 'owned up.' This instills responsibilty and accountability in a child.....firm attributes for a responsible citizen later on in life.

Nikhil

The Mumbai Carnage.....will it change anything??

Am back to blogging after almost 60 days. Reasons have been many...most importatly its been grass-roots' action .....all the time....that has kept me away from the keyboard. Check out the latest on www.reacha.org and www.samvedna.wikidot.com

I feel the only way this tragedy can wake us out of our slumbers to make any meaningful change in the country is through ACTION. But, somehow as a nation we are always so eager just to keep talking. This is my gravest concern.

A Karma Yogi is incessantly engaged in meaningful action. He has little time for debates and discussions. You can either debate or do work on the ground. You could most definitely debate to explore the best line of action in order to achieve an objective. But once this is defined the only way forward has to be action.

It is only selfless action that can make a sustainable difference around us. When I say selfless I mean action with passion, with a zeal that goes beyond mere calculations about results, about money, about success. Such action is driven by a divine motive - TO DO GOOD!!

Specifics of this action need to be worked out by people and organisations in the aftymath of this mayhem as per their respective functions. A school teacher has to inspire action in her students in terms of reaching out to their neighbours with the spirit of 'love thy neighbour.' Jesus perhaps foresaw this more than 2000 years ago....that family and neighbourhoods will begin to break apart. And so he preached about the 'larger family.' The Hindu tradition talks about the whole world being a family - vasudev kutumbakum and atithi devo bhava - the guest is like god...take care of him and feel blessed. Islam preaches brotherhood of man - sadly, a far cry from what many of its youngsters are practising today.

At times I feel Islam is going through the same crisis today that Hinduism went in the early part of the AD period. That was when Gautam Buddha came along and Buddhism became widespread. It was later left to Adi Shankara to revive Hinduism with his all encompassing philosophy of advaita.

Does Islam have such a saviour or rather revivor? Even more importantly, do Muslims really feel that there is any need to reform at all. Reform in terms of better health & education for its followers the world over. Perhaps, the Muslim who begins the march on this path would be their most likely modern day Prophet.

I sincerely hope there is this guy somewhere who begins to walk very soon.....for I will be the first to join hands with him. There are many Muslims who are close friends, associates as well as colleagues. I urjge them to take the initiative.....the task of walkinging the path of EDUCATION.

Signing off

Nikhil