School suicides...a cause for grave concern and shame

We keep hearing about students in school committing suicide. It has bothered me intensely, and I have spent considerable time interacting with my parents as well as students seeking to understand why this situation precipitates in a child's life.

A student of 15 to 18 years has hardly seen life...so getting the idea of taking ones life is a grave indictment on the whole society...and this includes parents, teachers, school systems, relatives, neighbours and peers.

To believe, in desperation, that this is the only way out only goes to show that all channels of redress have been exhausted by the victim.

Is there a way out?

We must first understand why this is happening repeatedly...ever so frequently. Are we doing anything to prevent it? Or are we just waiting for the next child to become a victim?

In my perception there are various factors contributing to this tragic situation:

1. The Orphaned Urban Child phenomena...I wrote about it my last post. Such children desperately miss their parents...and are often unable to express this feeling. Parents, on the other hand are so tied up in their rush hour life that they become incapable of observing this 'want' in their child. One can understand the level of communication gap that exists in such families. The only way out is greater interactivity between family members and the children. This needs to be in the form of 'real' activity rather than mere watching of TV and movies together. Playing sport together regularly is a great way to 'log-in' into the child's heart and mind. Kids love to play...they love it even more if parents can join their respective teams and play in the dirt with them. Traveling together and visiting new unexplored places is another great way to bridge the gap. Parents need to find enriching, interactive activities in consultation with their children...only then will the real synergy evolve.
   
2. School systems without in-depth counseling support mechanisms are often found wanting in understanding this need of the troubled child. It is imperative that Class Teachers and Subject Teachers report the matter to the Counselor as well as the parents as soon as they observe signs of despondency, anxiety and desperation in any child. For this to happen the school faculty needs to be appropriately sensitised and trained. One must understand that early detection and prompt remedial action is the surest way to prevent the child from entering the vicious loop.
   
3. Peer pressure and a desire to succeed at any cost gradually builds up expectations...in the child as well as the parents. One needs to handle this with great maturity. Firstly, the definition of success and happiness should be discussed within the family in some detail. Parents must convey to the child that they actually love him/her and not just the success. Success and failure are two sides of the same coin...parents must say to their child...if you succeed we will celebrate... and if you fail then too we will celebrate...we will celebrate the hard work work put in! So, lets work hard...with honesty, integrity and discipline. Results are bound to follow...slowly but surely. Also, success needs to be discussed and defined. I tell my students that as far as I am concerned success means a successful attempt. That is all that I am looking for.
4. Creating a vibrant neighbourhood I feel is another great way to ensure that kids play and grow together. But for this to happen parents must learn from children...try to reach out to your neighbours and give a helping hand every now and then. At times sense a need and pro-actively assist. You will find that if the neighbourhod is 'connected' everybody feels elated and genuine harmony is generated all around. However, this one is a real tough challenge considering the 'individualistic' times that we are living in.

Well, these were some of my observations on student suicides. I have keyed them based on my experience on the ground...I hope my friends will correct me wherever I have slipped!!

Nikhil